I miss you Mom and Dad!

Not a day goes by that I dont think of them and miss them terribly. I have come to judge my progress through the grieving process by counting the days between breakdowns. It has been a tragic and unfathomable loss for our family.

Last January 2nd, during our New Year's vacation in Disney, I received a phone call from my sister. Her words, were "don't worry, she's ok, but they think mom had a stroke". I immediately panicked but was reassured that she would only be in the hospital a few days as she was giving my dad hell for bringing her to the hospital in the first place. Something told me that I should worry, and after talking to Rich about my fear, he called my dad and told him not to worry about us, that if need be, we would be on the first plane home and to please let us know if anything changes. Dad again reassured us not to worry, he was sure she'd be home before we would.

3 hours later I received a phone call that I will never forget. My dad on the other end of the phone, barely audible, heartbroken... saying "come home". He then handed the phone to the doctor who said "if you have anything you want to say to your mom, you need to say it today. We expect her brain to swell from the stroke, and we dont know if she will be here much longer". I raced to the airport, sat there on standby for 9 hours waiting for any plane that had room for me. There was no plane that had room for 6 of us, so Rich and the kids stayed until they could all get on a flight together.

What followed was 5 months of hope, despair, and finally, devastating loss.

Mom was amazing. They called her the energizer bunny. They could not believe that her brain did not swell, that she never failed the way they thought she would. She was on life support for one day, then miraculously recovered and was sitting up eating ice cream that night. We all felt reassured that she'd be home with us soon. My biggest concern was that she was immunosuppressed. 8 years earlier, my brother Joe donated his kidney to her. She lost her kidney function due to diabetes. She did amazingly well with it and never had a problem. The only problem was that she was on immunosuppressant drugs that made her susceptible to infection. Sure enough, the day before she was to be discharged she got a hospital acquired MRSA pneumonia.

Again, she rallied and recovered, however not quite back to where she was prior to the pneumonia. After being sent to a rehab hospital, she struggled with a series of infections, that even as she began recovering from the stroke, took her further and further from us.

I'm not sure which was more heartbreaking, seeing mom fighting to recover from each infection, or watching my dad die a little each day. He was lost, heartbroken, shattered. He'd visit her every day, and cry his way home every night. He couldnt bear living without her beside him. He missed her at home. He bought a radio for their room and had it turned on to the same radio station she listened to in her hospital room. He would not let us bring her pillow to the hospital for her because he needed to hold it at night, to smell it, to feel closer to her. He tried to be strong for her but we could see he was not taking care of himself. Our day consisted of me going to the hospital every morning, spending time with her, feeding her lunch, then heading out to pick up my kids. My dad would go every day on the way home from work and feed her dinner, watch tv with her then head home. My brothers took the weekends and my sister went on her days off, or late at night. She never went a day without us with her.

Finally, in late April she was well enough that I felt comfortable taking a few days to head to Washington DC with my family. Dad said go, you need a break, I'll keep you posted.

On Friday night, April 24th, he went to visit my mom. On Saturday April 25th, I received a phone call from my sister that they found my dad on his bedroom floor, dead. He apparently had a heart attack. Never in a million years did I think the phone call would be about him. When I heard my sister's voice, I thought for sure something had happened to my mom.

For 6 weeks we kept the news of my dads death from mom. She had new infections that affected her memory. For a while we could say "he just left", or "dont you remember when he was here....." She grew increasingly worried about him, we just said he wasnt feeling well but he'd come when he was better. We did NOT want her to give up fighting. The last week of her life, was the best week since her stroke. She seemed like she was really gonna be ok. She had fought back, was alert, was having great conversations, we thought we were home free.

I spent Friday night, June 5 with her. I was with her til about midnight. She had a tendency to nap in the morning, then wake up looking for company and to talk later in the day. On Saturday June 6th, my parents anniversary.. my sister was with her til the wee hours. She was doing fine. On Sunday morning, June 7, I received the phone call that she'd passed away that morning. We were shocked. We had reached a point where the expectation had become that she'd be coming home. Early on in her illness, we feared every phone call brought bad news, but not now! She was supposed to be ok!!!

Exactly 6 weeks after Dad passed away, we lost my Mom. My kids lost two amazing grandparents. I lost two phenominal parents.

My parents were there to greet everyone of my children as they got off the planes from china. My mom saw my oldest daughter before I did. She was a domestic adoption, I was not allowed in to the hospital but grandparents were!! Mom went in and brought pictures of my sweet
Ashley to me that night.

They were here for every event that was important to the kids. They were all about their grandchildren. I am thrilled that Liam will be home soon, however, not far from my thoughts is the reality that 2 people who shared my joy with each child will be glaringly absent. My heart breaks that Liam will never know the love of these two amazing people.

I will miss you forever, Mom and Dad.